


All I Really Want Is You.

by KohtaKiller (Mqrkipooh)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Bisexuality, Boys Kissing, F/M, Gay, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Possible smut, Sad, Sexuality Crisis, Tw for that, angst through the roof, it's only said like twice or maybe 3 times, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:47:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mqrkipooh/pseuds/KohtaKiller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, Michael! I'm...I'm straight..."<br/>"B-but you just-"<br/>"You know what I said!"</p><p> </p><p>"Okay....."</p><p> </p><p>//Michael keeps getting heartbroken by the boy he loves, 5 times to be exact. Except, once is different.<br/>*Title from She Looks So Perfect*</p><p>This isn't going anywhere, don't read this unless you wanna see how shit this is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How did we end up here?

**1.**

  
The first time it happened, it wasn't originally over Luke, but he was apart of the problem-soon to be the entire problem. Luke had asked out the green eyed boys ex, hurting him worse than the break up with her, adding salt to the wound she said yes.

Albeit he didn't end up caring much about her later on that year but all he felt was pure hatred for the shorter blond boy, overriding the little butterfly's he felt whenever he saw Luke smile or laugh was the hate built from heartbreak filled need to slam his fist into his face.

Of course, Michael didn't do that seeing as though his miniature crush on the boy held him back-but if you asked him it was definitely just self-control and that the boy wasn't worth his time.

But somehow he was found here, at a party he didn't want to go to, seething with anger as he saw Luke talking to his 'girlfriend' on the couch at the other side of the room. Michael watched them with a sour scowl prominent on his face, he stood up quickly after not being able to stand their flirting a moment longer. He angrily stomped up the stairs, unnoticed from how loud the music was and how many people there were.

He entered the surprisingly empty bathroom of whoever's house this was and put his hands on the sink bowl edge, knuckles turning white from how hard he clench his fist. After maybe twenty seconds he calmed down a bit but that was when the boy who started this all came into the bathroom.

Luke smiled at the green eyed boy with an apology at the tip of his tongue until he realised it was Michael he was staring at and about to talk to in the strangest of places, he pulled a blank expression. "Oh it's just you..." he said sounding not all the surprised.

Michael had enough of it, however. He gripped the smaller boy by the collar of his shirt and slammed him up against the wall as he glared at him, one that was soon returned by the blue eyed boy.

"Fuck you Hemmings, god you think you're so cool. Newsflash! You aren't! So how about you just shut up and fuck off?!" Michael seethed, his face inches away from the smaller boys who's eyes held fear but he tried not to show it. "Make me, Clifford'." Luke said determinedly, his voicing cracking slightly at the end.

Michael looked directly into the younger boys eyes, green meeting blue and any fear Luke felt disappeared. Michael calmed down slightly, his grip loosening but Luke still didn't move.  
They stayed like that for a few moments before Michael's gaze dipped to Luke's lips for half a second and went right back to his eyes. He felt the familiar feeling in his chest as when Luke smiled or laughed, he leaned forward slightly and tilted his head slowly, but before their lips could even touch there was a knock on the door.

"Hello 's this occupie'?" A slurring voice called out, causing the shorter boy to pull as far back as be could and push the fringe haired boy away slightly, moving him with ease as he stepped back with hurt etched onto his expression.

"N-no you're good! Just...leaving!" Luke said as he opened the door, a blush rising on his cheeks quickly, after fixing his shirt and walked as fast as he could out, but not without leaving with a few words of 'I...I don't like boys, I have a girlfriend.'

Leaving him heartbroken, Michael made sure to rush out of the house in record time, leaving his best friend Calum confused on how he got sick while only consuming one beer.

  
He knew there wasn't much alcohol in his system or on his breathe to blame on that, so he the next day in school he avoided Luke at all costs and noticed the other boy doing the same and holding his girlfriend a lot closer than before.

-But he also knew Luke hadn't had even one drink, so why did he tilt his head up the slightest as Michael leaned in?

 


	2. Are We Wasting Time?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second time Michael gets hurt  
> Only now someone is here to witness and comfort him.  
> *Chapter title from close as strangers

**2.**

  
Calum and I were sitting in the living room getting ready to play a few-okay a lot of FIFA when all of a sudden there was a knock at the door, I let out a groan since I just got comfortable in my spot. Calum gave me a sheepish smile, I glared back. "I'll be right back, it's probably my creepy neighbour, if I don't come back he killed me."

My sock covered feet padded across the wooden floor, I reached the door and unlocked it. Opening it up I was met by a nervous blond boy, biting his lip and tugging at one of the few bracelets on his right arm. My heart flipped at the sight but I ignored it, shock making me have a surprised look on my face. "Um h-hi, Calum said y-you wanted to hang out?" The beautiful blue eyed boy stuttered out to me, a red blush rising on his cheeks. I frowned in habit, I wasn't supposed to think things like that, I hated this kid. "Fuck off Hemmings, you're not invi-" I was cut off by a hand on my shoulder "Michael." Calum said sternly at me, giving me a soft glare. "Let him in, c'mon Luke we're playing FIFA!" Calum grabbed the boys hand and pulled him in, I stepped out of the way as jealousy seared red hot in my mind at the sight of them holding hands. I shook myself out of my angry glare and fixed my fringe.

What. Am. I. Thinking.

"F-fine, just I'm playing first player." I said, an annoyed looked fixated on my face.  
"Cool, Luke can play my turn first too." Calum said shooting me a smug grin, I don't know why he wanted me to become friends with such a loser. I swore under my breathe as the blond boy sat down and fixed the beanie on his head, I sat down next to him begrudgingly.

After playing the first round with him, then it was Luke as Cal, moving on to Calum and I.

Naturally being the best of gaming I kicked both of their asses and Luke surprisingly kicked Calum's, earning him a quick fist bump from me-by habit to Calum of course.

It was me and Luke again, by this point I was bumping shoulders with him and trying to not lose focus on the game whenever he but his lip in concentration. He wasn't THAT bad actually, not that I would ever tell Calum that but he probably could tell.

"God damn it Clifford learn how to play fair!" Luke said laughing, I tilted my head back as I scored another goal. "I am playing fair! You're the cheater!"

(Calum)

I smiled at the two blonds playfully bickering in front of me, I knew they would be great friends if they gave it a chance and sometimes a little nudge-or a full on shove-could do wonders. I sat up with a groan "I have to use the bathroom ill be right back." I announced to the half listening boys and Michael nodded at me before turning back to the game when Luke scored a goal "Oi! What the hell!?"

I walked down the hallway and the slight yelling got more distant, I went into the bathroom and did my business before washing my hands and leaving. There was no more yelling but I heard quiet murmurs as I walked back to the door as silent as possible.

I looked into the crack between the wall and door, thinking that they were talking finally. Taking a glance in I knew I was wrong.

Luke was looking into Michaels eyes as the game was paused and Michael was returning it, no glares. Luke bit his lip nervously, Michaels eyes glance down for about three seconds before slowly trailing back up to-the now tomato blushing-blue eyes of the boy. I was shocked, how did I never realise that they were crushing hard for each other. I mentally cheered, they would be...cute.

"Me and her broke up..." Luke says quietly, letting his lip go. It was a red as slightly plumper from all the abuse on it. I almost cheered loudly from my spot at the door, this is perfect!

(Michael/Cal/Narrator???)

I glanced back at Luke's lips as he stopped biting the bottom one, forming words I was entirely too happy to hear "Me and her broke up..."  
I leaned forward a slight inch as he did the same, not looking into each others eyes as I said "I'm sorry, that's a shame." not sounding any sorry at all.

Luke leans in a bit more, Michael thinks his lips look very kissable.

So he kisses him.

Calum starts freaking out at the door, as Luke kisses back.

Calum looks on, excitement-yet confusion-blazing in his eyes.

Luke kisses the green eyed boy in front of him back, softly licking at his chapped lips every now and then, his thoughts coming to life after every millisecond ticks by, Michael nips slightly at his bottom lip hesitantly.

Oh no  
SHIT  
IM SUPPOSED TO BE STRAIGHT  
T-this is wrong!

Luke pulls back, Michaels moving forward a bit, chasing his lips. "N-no Michael! I'm straight," Michael just blinks in confusion "You can't do this with me I'm straight!"  
Michael leans back like just got pushed away, feeling like he was punched in the gut.  
"Yeah and I am too it was just a stupid thing, I think you should go. Just, leave." Luke wordlessly stands up, Calum backs away as hides in the shadows of the hallway and Luke slips out the door carrying his backpack.

Calum waits until he hears the front door slam and then a soft sob is heard from within the room he was looking into just moments ago. He rushes in and sits next to the dark blond haired boy, hugging him as his shirt gets soaked in Michaels tears.

And that was the second time the boy Michael hated broke his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long, if you wanna hound me I'm from @awnexmgc on twitter!  
> Thank you for all the kudos from the first chapter!


	3. Kiss me kiss me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Call his best friend, that's what.
> 
> Kiss him, that's what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This shit is lit I hope you like it I've worked on it for 2 days bc I can barely sleep plus last night someone was banging on my back door and we don't know who ^.^

3

Albeit all that had happened Luke started hanging around Calum and Michael more, him and Calum got along far better than Michael as to be expected.

Secret glances at each other and playing it off if they got caught by the other or if they looked at the same time, awkward hand touches when passing each other, so many things that Calum picked up.

He was going to scream.

How dare those two boys blatantly go flaunting their love for each other but one has internalised homophobia-he looked it up the other night-and the other too shy and too in denial to admit they're crushing hard.

How dare he fall in love with his best friend when oh so obviously Luke is perfect for him.

How dare he fall for the one that's been there for him for years, how could he do that to Michael when the green eyed boy had Luke?

So Calum figured the best way to make it up to them was to get them together.

"Hey Michael wanna hang at your place later today?" Calum asked as Michael snapped out of his daze whilst unbeknownst to the blond boy, or so he thought, staring at him.

"Huh? Oh, yeah sure. I don't know why you ask, it's not like I'm busy." Michael nodded, Calum scoffed "You might've been busy fucking Luke."

Michael looked at him incredulously "What are you talking about!? I don't like Luke end of story!"

Calum gave him a look but waved it off anyways, saved by the bell as it rang said boy looked up "I got history now but I'll see you at your house. Peace!" and walked off.

Michael waved at Calum before turning back to the blond who still felt the burning gaze on him and ferociously tried-and failed-to fight back his blush.

Calum sent Luke a text saying almost the same thing as soon as he turned the corner, 'Hey Luke,' it read 'You and me are going over to Michael's house if that's cool with you.'

He thought for a moment and sent it anyway, the response was almost immediate.

'Uh sure, after school right? I'm not busy, meet you there!'

Calum's smirked, hopefully his plan would play out perfectly.  
Honestly he was getting a bit, well more than a bit, sick of seeing them being so unknowingly shy boyfriends.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day Luke showed up at his doorstep, lacking Calum.

And of course after Luke told him his mom was at work and wouldn't be able to pick him up, Michaels eyes became soft and he let him in.

And if they ended up in his bed an half an hour later, who needed to know?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soft pants filled the room as the two boys made out, Michaels hand toying at the bottom hem of Luke's shirt. Pulling back and looking at him for confirmation, Luke nodded. His pupils blown wide, Michael slid his hand under his shirt and up his skinny stomach, leaning down and kissing his neck.

Luke moaned slightly as Michael softly nipped his neck, turning his head so the green eyed boy would get a better angle.

After sucking 3 hickeys into the left collar bone of the boy he kissed up to Luke's mouth again and licked his lips, Luke let his tongue slip in and pushed his hands through the other boys hair and tugged.

 

Michael pulled back and looked deeply into Luke's eyes, all that was heard throughout the silence of the room was heavy breathing and the ticking of a clock somewhere out in the hall.

"Luke," Michael began, Luke's breath hitched and he was about to speak when Michael continued.

 

"You're hot."

Luke surged forward and crashed their lips together, accidentally thrusting his hips up and against the other boys making both of them moan loudly.

Once again the the two times before Luke's thoughts arose; "What the hell am I doing?"

"This isn't right....but it feels so good."

"But it's wrong."

"What will Mom say?!"

"What about Dad!"

"Oh god Ben and Jack will hate me."

He pulled back and all but shoved Michael away, him still in a daze sat there blinking for a moment.  
Luke hurriedly got up and fixed his shirt up and arrange his jeans so his obvious boner wasn't showing as much. Half heartily trying to fix his hair and get is shoes on quickly, he r searched for his bag.

"L-luke?" Michaels voice wobbled even though he tried to hide it, Luke ignored him.  
Michael cleared his throat and wiped his eyes "Luke. What's wrong are you okay?" He stood up and went to rub his shoulder but Luke avoided him and lightly slapped his hand away.

"Michael, you need to stop doing this with me." Luke said softly, not meeting the other boys eyes.

"B-but...you kissed back?"  
"Mikey..."

"NO!" Michael yelled, "Don't you dare Mikey me, I'm tired of this off and on complete BULLSHIT! All you do is go," he made his voice higher in a mocking way "'Oh Michael I'm gonna kiss you but leave not even 5 minutes later because this is wrong' and I AM DONE."

He stood there and both boys looked at each other, faces flushed and eyes tired.

Michael took a hesitant step farther, then one more and one more, until he was right in front oh Luke.

He towered over him and Luke had to look up, Michael took that as an okay and lent down and captured his lips again.

Luke involuntarily melted into the kiss before placing his hands on Michaels chest and pushing lightly, Michael pulled back but held him closer than arms lengths away by the shoulders. Eyes moving over his face, searching for any type of sign that it was okay, they were okay.

"Michael," Luke barely whispered "You're going to have to give me, give us, some time. I can't handle this right now and yes it feels amazing but, I-I'm not, I'm not gay!"

Michael tried to mask the crestfallen look on his face, with some valiant effort, but to no avail tears came to his eyes.

His voice held when he said the words that needed to be said "Luke you can't be afraid of who you are forever, you might not be gay but you sure as hell are into dick-" he took his hand and placed it on the blue eyes boys hip and brought them together and kissed him again quickly as Luke let out a moan, "If that's anything to go by." 

He said after her pulled back, his arms leaving the boys sides and he stepped back and sat on the bed.

"I suppose you're gonna leave like always, so just fucking go. I'll see you at school."

Luke wordlessly grabbed his bag from the place on the floor and bit his lip, standing there as Michael ignored him and played on his phone, wondering if he should say something.

He turned and left after deciding there was nothing he could say, he wasn't gay or bi or whatever.

And he didn't like boys.

Especially boys named Michael Clifford who cursed when they lost at a game, or who's nose scrunched up when they tasted food they didn't like, or who had lips that were as soft as silk.

Fuck Luke was so gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What was Michael to do when his crush-yes his crush he finally admitted it and he was as gay as a fucking rainbow-left without a word?

Call his best friend and cry, that's what.

And what was Calum to do when he couldn't help but wipe the tears off Michaels face, the boy he loved, his lips so red and plump from biting them?

Kiss him that's what.

And that's the third time Michael got his heart broken from Luke and taped back together by Calum.


	4. Over and Over? Over and Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They didn't kiss like Him and Michael.
> 
> They didn't move together like Him and Michael.
> 
> They didn't even sound as good as Him and Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short
> 
> Anna the bean obviously pre-read /most/ of this.
> 
> She currently reading Throam (a ryden fic) and I assume she recs it too so go find that somewhere lmao  
> Sorry I haven't slept much but enjoy this shit I tried and I'm stuck on writers block.  
> I was supposed to give my phone up but I still haven't lmao  
> I didn't edit this so any typos hmu I'll fix

4

Michaels eyes widened when he felt Calum's lips against his, not kissing back and the younger boy pulled away from him.

"Fuck- shit, what was that- oh my god, I am so sorry- I-I don't know what I was thinking!" Calum spoke quickly, a stuttering mess with panic lacing his voice.

Michael was silent, eyes opened wide and brought his fingers up to his lips.

He never has ever thought about Calum that way, he didn't think Calum thought about him that way!

Michael in short, was shocked. He honesty didn't know how he could handle this but his best friend was struggling so he had to pull it together, he blinked a few times to focus better but his head felt hazy.

"It's okay." Michael mumbled quietly, pressing on his lips.

Calum stopped pacing around the room, not hearing what the blond boy said.

"W-what?" Calum swallowed nervously, hands shaking as he ran his fingers through his hair. Messing it up and making it spike up in different directions.

"It's okay Calum," Michael cleared his throat. "I umm, I d-didn't know you were, you know... Batting on the other team?"

Michael decided that was the best way to put it, but he was blushing like mad.

"I-I er, 'bat for all teams' so to speak." Calum replied using quote fingers, this was not the way he imagined coming out.

Kissing your best friend, he who is crushing on your other best friend saying its okay, and coming out with bad metaphors.

What a blast.

"I'm sorry Cal, I really am but I don't feel that way..." Michael trailed off, Calum nodded silently, understanding.

"I know, no reason to apologise its fine I won't do it again. I promise."

"Okay." Michael said, it was quickly becoming his catchphrase apparently.

Calum left shortly after that, with a handy excuse of his mom needing him home before dinner.

Leaving Michael with his own thoughts, he stared blankly at the wall.

Falling onto his bed feeling tired and weak, he closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep, confusion making his mind race and sleep fitful.

\---------------------

Michael said he'd see Luke in school, and see him he did.

Flaunting around with the girl who looked at him as if he held the stars and put them up in the sky for her.

But Michael knew it wasn't true, Luke's grip was loose when they held hands, his eye unfocused when they talked.

They didn't kiss like Him and Michael.

They didn't move together like Him and Michael.

They didn't even sound as good as Him and Michael.

But Michael still didn't do anything, Luke made it clear he wasn't 'gay'- Michael quite obviously didn't believe that.

Visibly this was taking a toll on Michael, he didn't eat or drink.  
All his songs albeit exceptionally good, heartbreaking and depressing tearjerker's.

He rarely left his room, worse than usual.

On the day that Luke came to sit down at their table when his 'girlfriend-that word made him want to throw up-'was sick, Michael immediately left and skipped the rest of the periods they shared together.

Calum and his mother had no clue what to do as this had been going on for the better part of two weeks now, on the days Michael didn't bother to get out of bed Calum was let in and walked into the room and held him for hours until he had to go home.

No words were shared but everything that needed to be said was displayed, anyone could see it; Calum was the only person Michael could be with and the boy-Luke-was tearing him apart.

Today was one of those days, and as of right now Calum was trying to get him to eat.

"Michael, you need to eat." Calum said, tears threatening to spill in his eyes but voice steady and calm.

He couldn't stand seeing his best friend like this, he hasn't eaten in two days and at this point his stomach didn't even protest.

Michael only blinked in response, his breathing small and barely noticeable.

The boy had met his breaking point, he wasn't weak; on the contra he was normally the one who didn't flinch in horror movies, he did sob at sad ones but if he was in the car and he saw an animal in the road he didn't go 'that's awful' or whatever someone would say.

It wasn't as if he was depressed or insensitive, he just wasn't someone who got hurt easily.

But Luke, Luke made something in him snap.

Luke's smile could light up an entire room, make his dark thoughts disappear, and make Michael smile.

That boy killed him, twisting the knife in his back without a single care.

All his dark thoughts got worse and to the point here Michael couldn't even move.

Maybe he was depressed, but it wasn't bad or anything, right? Michael asked himself that as he felt Calum hold him and push his face between his shoulder blades and press a soft comforting kiss there.

Strictly platonic, even though they both obviously knew his feelings they both understood it was only platonic, Michael felt a few tears fall from his eyes after that small simple action.

A few tears quickly turned into a full on sob-fest, shoulders shaking and cries falling from his lips.

Calum held on to him tightly, Michael felt secure in Calum's arms and he had to ask himself; why couldn't he love Calum?

After the tearful display was over, Michael felt...better. He wouldn't call it good he would label it okay, lack there of a better word.  
Or, stable worked too.

It took a few days-nearly a week-but Michael finally could look at Luke without bursting into tears on the spot, could finally look at the girl he focused all his hatred on just because she was with Luke, not wanna yell at her and slap her into the next dimension for such a petty reason.

"Are you okay?" Calum asked him, Michael nodded.

Yeah he was, he was feeling okay.  
Finally.

Naturally though, Luke had to fuck everything right back up again.

\---------------------------------

Luke didn't know what he was doing, it was heat of the moment.

The school was empty and his extra curricular class was over, Michael had just gotten out of detention and the younger boy saw him walking down the hall.

He honestly had no clue why, but he grabbed the other boy by his arms and dragged him into the bathroom.

Luke pushed Michael into the wall and looked into the bright green eyes, they were dulled but had a glint of confusion in them.

"Luke what the fuck-" The younger blond cut the older boys words off by slamming his lips on his, Michael melted into it immediately.

With both eyes wide as saucers, Michael pulled back.

"Luke seri-" once more Luke cut him off, he nibbled his lip softly and sealed their lips together once more and didn't pull back until they both needed air.

Michael almost pulled Luke closer for another heated kiss but he needed answers.

"Luke, stop." He mumbled against the other boys lips when Luke pulled him closer, the younger boy finally stopped.

Thankfully, or so Michael thought, he looked like he didn't regret it when he did.

"Luke why?" Was all the older blond could ask, crossing his arms and waiting for an answer.

Luke shrugged looking down and chewing on his bottom lip, making it even darker than the previous short lived make-out session.

The flush on his cheeks grew, with every second passing no words filled the air.

"I-I don't really know..." Luke trailed off.

"I'm not gonna keep doing this, Hemmings." Michael spat his last name out like it physically burned his tongue to say it, to him it felt like it anyways.

Luke flinched at Michael's tone, a soft glare making it's way on to his face.

"Well good fuck you anyways," The younger blond said harshly "I don't know why I kiss you, I'm not a fag like you."

Michael this time, was the one who felt hurt most. Subtly flinching and squeezing his hands into fist at the slur, crescent shapes making their way into his palms. A hurt look showing through the thin mask of anger, Luke's eyes flicking away from the other boys face and on to the floor. Pretending-badly-not to see, and also as if he wasn't affected by the look or his own words.

 

"Yeah you wish," Michael sneered at him, a fake smirk taking place on to his mouth.

"But you just won't admit it."

With that the older blond turned on his heel with the act of confidence neither would point out as fake and exited the bathroom, Luke slumping against the wall.

Eyes wide and tears filling them, the boy whispered to himself over and over again.

"I'm not gay, I am not gay."

"I can't be gay."

"Jack and Ben like girls, Jack and Ben are proper. I'm wrong, I'm a mistake, I am a total fuck up."

"Jack and Ben are so much better. Mum and Dad are proud of them."

"Why would Mum and Dad be proud of a total fuck up of a son? I am nothing but worthless..."

"I'm in love with Michael."

\------------------

Whilst Luke had his crisis, the other boy had his.

Curled up-alone-on his bed, sobbing so hard his throat hurt.

The bathroom scene replying in his head like a movie, the same words repeating over and over.

'I'm not a fag like you'

Why did he have to be in love with Luke?

 

And that was the fourth time Luke broke Michaels heart.

Only Calum wasn't there to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it bc I'm p unhappy with it honestly :/
> 
> Have a goodnight I'll try to update soon

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it and I wrote this at 3 AM and I had another thing I was going to write but my phone crashed and it disappeared I'm sorry >.


End file.
